What Your Favorite SQL Query Says About You

SQL isn’t just about crunching data: it’s a peek into how you tackle problems and think about the world. In this article, I’ll dig into the quirks and traits behind some of the most popular SQL queries. Let’s see which one feels like you!

Ever caught yourself wondering what your go-to SQL queries reveal about your personality? Whether you're going deep into SELECT * or crafting complex CASE statements, every choice reflects a bit of who you are. It’s like a database-driven mirror into your quirks and problem-solving style.

Grab your favorite caffeinated beverage (we know it's coffee, you database wizard), and let's jump into this analysis of SQL psychology! I've used SQL commands as names of the most popular personalities.

Disclaimer: this analysis is about as scientific as using RAND() to make important life decisions. But hey, it's fun, right?

SELECT *

You're the kind of person who shows up to a party and tries to talk to EVERYONE. Efficiency isn't your middle name, but hey, at least you never miss out! You probably have 57 browser tabs open right now and refuse to close any of them "just in case." Your apartment might be a bit messy, but you swear you know where everything is... sort of.

Performance tuning? That's your future you's problem. You live in the moment and believe in gathering all the information before making decisions. Your friends both admire and fear your ability to consume massive amounts of information at once. You're probably also the person who reads the entire menu at restaurants while everyone else waits impatiently.

For example, your go-to query might look like this:

SELECT * FROM customers;

This query grabs all the data, just like how you try to take in everything around you. It's not the most efficient, but it ensures nothing is missed – even if it drives others a bit crazy!

WITH RECURSIVE

You're the friend who always has a story within a story within a story. We love you, but sometimes we need to draw a diagram to follow your conversations. You definitely enjoy Christopher Nolan movies and have strong opinions about "Inception." You're also the type to solve Rubik's cubes for fun.

Your mind works in fascinating patterns and you see connections where others see chaos. You probably enjoyed solving maze puzzles as a kid and now spend your free time playing strategy games. Your friends come to you when they need to solve complex problems, though they might need a whiteboard to follow your explanation.

For example, you might love crafting recursive queries like this:

WITH RECURSIVE numbers AS (
    SELECT 1 AS num
    UNION ALL
    SELECT num + 1 FROM numbers WHERE num < 10
)
SELECT * FROM numbers;

This query generates a sequence of numbers from 1 to 10, showcasing your ability to break problems into smaller, repeatable parts. It’s a reflection of how your mind thrives in structured complexity.

GROUP BY ROLLUP

Detail-oriented doesn't begin to describe you. You're the friend who plans vacation spreadsheets with multiple scenarios and contingency plans. You probably have a label maker and use it... a lot. Your sock drawer is organized by color, material, AND occasion.

You see patterns everywhere and can't help but categorize things into neat hierarchies. Your Netflix watchlist is probably organized by genre, release year, and rating. You're the person who creates pivot tables for fun and considers spreadsheets a form of art.

For instance, you might find yourself running queries like this:

SELECT department, SUM(sales) 
FROM sales_data
GROUP BY ROLLUP (department);

This query not only organizes your data into categories but also adds subtotals to each group, reflecting your passion for order and thoroughness. It’s perfect for someone who sees beauty in well-structured summaries.

DELETE FROM

You're decisive and maybe a tiny bit scary. You have no problem cutting toxic people out of your life and regularly unsubscribe from email newsletters. Your phone has zero unread notifications, and your desktop is completely empty except for one folder called "Everything."

Marie Kondo is your spirit animal, and you firmly believe that sometimes the best data is less data. Your friends admire your ability to make clean breaks and decisive choices, even if they sometimes worry about accidentally ending up in your WHERE clause.

Your favorite query might look like this:

DELETE FROM users WHERE inactive = true;

This query cleans up unnecessary data by removing inactive users, mirroring your decisive and no-nonsense approach to life. You know when it’s time to let go and make room for what truly matters.

COALESCE

You're the friend everyone turns to in a crisis. You always have a backup plan (and a backup for your backup). You never show up to a potluck empty-handed and always carry an emergency snack in your bag. You've probably got your life together more than most of us.

Your problem-solving approach is pragmatic and thorough. You're the person who always has a phone charger, band-aids, and somehow exactly what anyone needs in any situation. Your motto might as well be "better safe than NULL."

A typical query you might love could be:

SELECT COALESCE(email, 'No Email Provided') AS contact_email
FROM customers;

This query ensures there’s always a fallback, replacing NULL values with a default. Just like you, it’s resourceful and always prepared for any situation.

LEFT JOIN

You're inclusive and always try to keep everyone in the loop. You're the friend who makes sure no one feels left out and probably host legendary game nights where everyone's invited. You have a soft spot for underdogs and always root for them.

Your text messages often include multiple people, and you're the group's social glue. You remember everyone's birthdays and make sure to keep in touch with old friends, even if they've moved to different cities.

Here’s your query:

SELECT employees.name, departments.name
FROM employees
LEFT JOIN departments ON employees.department_id = departments.id;

This query includes everyone, even if they’re not matched to a department, just like how you make sure no one feels left out. It reflects your inclusive and empathetic nature.

WINDOW Functions

You're the ultimate people-watcher and have an uncanny ability to spot trends. You probably enjoy sitting in cafes, observing passersby, and making up stories about their lives. Your friends value your insight because you always see the bigger picture while still noting the small details.

You excel at putting things in context and helping others understand where they stand. You're probably great at giving career advice and helping friends understand their place in complex social situations.

A query you might appreciate could be:

SELECT name, salary, RANK() OVER (ORDER BY salary DESC) AS rank
FROM employees;

This query provides context by ranking employees based on salary, showcasing your ability to see the big picture while paying attention to details. It’s perfect for someone who thrives on understanding trends and patterns.

CASE WHEN

You're the friend who always sees multiple sides of every situation. You never jump to conclusions and have a knack for handling complex social situations with grace. Your friends come to you for advice because you always consider all possible angles.

You probably enjoy choose-your-own-adventure books and have strong opinions about decision trees. Your problem-solving style is methodical and you love creating elaborate flowcharts, even for simple decisions.

One of your favorite queries might look like this:

SELECT product_name, 
       CASE WHEN price > 100 THEN 'Expensive' 
            WHEN price BETWEEN 50 AND 100 THEN 'Moderate'
            ELSE 'Affordable' 
       END AS price_category
FROM products;

It breaks down data into meaningful categories, just like how you analyze every scenario from multiple angles before making a decision. It’s a reflection of your methodical and balanced approach to problem-solving.

CREATE INDEX

You're all about optimization and efficiency. Your Google Calendar is a work of art, and you probably have strong opinions about the best way to load a dishwasher. You believe in investing time upfront to save time later.

Your friends appreciate how quickly you can find solutions to their problems, though they might not understand your obsession with organizing everything. You've probably written documentation for your home electronics.

You might write a query such as:

CREATE INDEX idx_customer_lastname ON customers(last_name);

This query creates an index on the "last_name" column, speeding up searches and improving query performance. It reflects your knack for planning ahead and setting up systems to work more efficiently.

The Final Query

So here is my list of SQL personalities. Do you now know what your favorite SQL query says about you?

Remember, in the end, all queries are beautiful – even that weird self-joining monstrosity you wrote at 3 AM while hopped up on energy drinks. Your SQL preferences might say something about you, but what really matters is that you're getting the job done and hopefully having some fun along the way.

And if you find yourself using SELECT * in production... well, we won't judge (much). After all, we've all been there, usually right before a very educational conversation with the database administrator.

Keep querying, keep being you! And if you're ready to master SQL from the basics to advanced techniques, check out the SQL From A to Z track on LearnSQL.com.

This comprehensive track covers everything you need to know, from foundational queries to advanced optimization techniques. Plus, there’s a free trial so you can explore the content risk-free. It's your personalized path to becoming an SQL expert – don't miss this opportunity to take your skills to the next level!